Location: Ideas for change/video media release

Discussion: The press releaseReported This is a featured thread

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JoanM
The press release
Jan 19 2009, 6:55 PM EST | Post edited: Jan 19 2009, 6:55 PM EST
The first paragraph, the lead, the entree is not as simple as it probably should be. Can it be? Don't know. I took the following stab, with which I'm not terribly happy, but nevertheless, here it is:

New pro-Constitution video on MSNBC, CNN, Fox News and Comedy Channel demonstrates the commitment and activism President OBama has asked for. Less than a week after being voted one of the top ten "ideas for Change in America" in change.org's competition, the Get FISA Right activists are launching their new cable TV ad "Congratulations, President Obama. Please get FISA right". Maintaining their connections and exploration of new methods, the group is first out of the starting gates in demonstrating its beliefs to the new administration.

1  out of 1 found this valuable. Do you?    
JonPincus
JonPincus
1. RE: The press release
Jan 22 2009, 2:11 AM EST | Post edited: Jan 22 2009, 2:11 AM EST
This was great feedback Joan but I had already sent the press release out by the time I saw it ... Do you find this valuable?    
eggy1943
eggy1943
2. RE: The press release
Jan 22 2009, 2:08 PM EST | Post edited: Jan 22 2009, 2:08 PM EST
Thanks JoanM this is quite good. It points out the change org activity, the selection by people endorsing it. thanks b Do you find this valuable?