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Discussion: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
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JonPincus |
Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 13 2008, 6:32 PM EST
Let's hear it! jon PS: The scripts are at http://get-fisa-right.wetpaint.com/page/Inauguration+ad 4 out of 4 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Posted Anonymously |
1. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 13 2008, 8:15 PM EST
Hi Jon: Hope all is well friend. Nice work. Both should get attention. I have one comment on the watch them ad. It's a good dramatization of how things could go wrong. You might want to consider state the consequences tin the super, rather than are search warrants issued yet. Something like "Innocent words, misinterpreted can lead to unwarranted actions". Be well Hank 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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LloydL |
2. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 13 2008, 9:15 PM EST
if getting FISA right is important constitutionally, why such a weak request for action? the use of "please" in the script conveys limited and optional importance of any action to correct FISA - it allows a preference where none should exist..
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Posted Anonymously |
3. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 14 2008, 4:20 PM EST
Joan here, still needing to resurrect the password.Script does need to be strengthened per LloydL above. voice #1: Even though we disagreed with you about FISA last July ... #2: ... we worked for your victory ... #3: ... and are excited to be part of ... #4: ... the change you're bringing to Washington. #5: We know you have a lot on your plate ... #6: ... so please let us know how we can support you #7: ... and restore our Constitution and the rule of law. Change 6 to: a. We're ready to help b. We want to save our country c. we're ready when you are to re-engage voice #1: Even though we disagreed with you about FISA last July ... #2: ... we worked for your victory ... #3: ... and are excited to be part of ... #4: ... the change you're bringing to Washington. #5: We know you have a lot on your plate ... #6: ... so please let us know how we can support you #7: ... and restore our Constitution and the rule of law. 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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JonPincus |
4. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 15 2008, 11:15 AM EST
Good feedback all ...Hank, agreed there's a line needed. For now I have "mass surveillance makes everybody a suspect" (which isn't great). This'll be one of the places to focus our efforts. Lloyd, I agree that we should make our call to action stronger. This is a "congratulations" ad, though, not a "we demand" ad. Also, "please" has always been part of our style of engaging with others respectfully and politely (it's in the name of our MyBO group as well as Mardi's first post) and given Obama's own preference for respectful communications I think it resonates well. (Although having it *twice* the way the earlier draft does is probably a little excessive; I cut one of them out.) Joan: I really like "ready to help" ... how about this? #5: We're ready to help ... #6 ... and look forward to working with you ... #7.....to restore our Constitution and the rule of law. 5 out of 5 found this valuable. Do you? |
JuliaAdkins |
5. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 15 2008, 12:59 PM EST
Jon,I really liked the revised script with changes. I'm disturbed by the lack of participation on this very important issue. Where are all the Get FISA Right people? 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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JonPincus |
6. More thoughts on the "consequences" line
Dec 15 2008, 1:04 PM EST
Here are a few suggestions I got from somebody in IM:- does mass surveillance really make us safer? - we're giving up our civil liberties for this? - The new FISA rule encourages sloppy thinking which doesn't make us safe, and jettisons the rule of law to boot - FISA is a mass surveillance 'solution' that sacrifices our rule of law and doesn't make us safe - The FISA Amendments Act sacrifices the rule of law -- and doesn't make us safer I went with the last one for now ... thoughts? 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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JonPincus |
7. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 15 2008, 1:12 PM EST
"Jon,Thanks Julia ... in terms of participation, we've lost touch with a lot of our members; one of the goals for the ads is to let them know "hey, we're still here!" And while more is always better, we've had involvement from about 30 people in the various discussions, which is pretty good especially at this time of year. 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
rcstoick |
8. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 15 2008, 3:40 PM EST
Wow, Jon, thank you for all the work you and everyone else does here - it makes a huge difference for those of us who are disabled. I love the first script - it's a natural and there's no "reach" for meaning...the "please" deletion, as other's have mentioned, seems valid to me. I like the second one too - however - I tend to be old school, our government has no right to tap citizen's phones or internet communications without a warrant. Period. Hank's phrase, "Innocent words, misinterpreted can lead to unwarranted actions", is great! Perhaps the play on words will help folks start to think about the Problem.
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JonPincus |
9. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 15 2008, 4:18 PM EST
I like Hank's phrase a lot too, rcstoick, ... one concern is whether it's too subtle: will people get the "unwarranted actions". It's a good point that "and doesn't make us safer" potentially implies that it would be okay if it *did* make it us safer. Hmm ... 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Posted Anonymously |
10. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 15 2008, 5:53 PM EST
Beverlee Bruce: I like both revised scripts with changes and am pleased that a core group is working on this and think that others will join us as time goes on and we stick to achieving our goal.
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Posted Anonymously |
11. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 16 2008, 12:30 AM EST
no person or group should need to beg in order to achieve respect for the Constitution's objective of protecting the people from an over-reaching central government
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Posted Anonymously |
12. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 16 2008, 12:34 AM EST
thanks for the consideration. rest assured that eliminating use of the word "please" will not result in either a decrease in respect or an absence of politeness.
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JonPincus |
13. Here's what we wound up saying ...
Dec 16 2008, 1:08 AM EST
""innocent words, misinterpreted ... the FISA Amendments Act mocks the rule of law. Join us at Get FISA Right dot net".we wavered between "sacrifices the rule of law", "violates the rule of law", and "mocks the rule of law" ... Frank pointed out in email that "freedom" might be worth emphasizing as well. any suggestions about how to improve this? 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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JonPincus |
14. As for saying "please" ...
Dec 16 2008, 1:19 AM EST
"thanks for the consideration. rest assured that eliminating use of the word "please" will not result in either a decrease in respect or an absence of politeness."Perhaps not to you, but many would disagree -- and we want to reach them too. A lot of people value courtesy and don't see it as begging. Obama's interactions in particular are extremely respectful and so he's likely to respond well to this. Also, it's part of Get FISA Right's style -- one of our key brand elements if you will. The original name of the MyBO group was "Senator Obama -- Please Vote No On FISA" and Mardi's first post was "Please Don't ... Senator". Our open letter ended with "Please, Senator Obama, reject the politics of fear on national security, vote against this bill and lead other Democrats to do the same!". This is who we are and so it should be in the ad as well. 4 out of 4 found this valuable. Do you? |
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royharper |
15. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 16 2008, 8:22 AM EST
I really liked the "Tap the lines of anybody who talks to them".I think it really helps to frame the perspective for many people who are not yet aware of the danger. 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Posted Anonymously |
16. RE: Here's what we wound up saying ...
Dec 16 2008, 8:48 AM EST
What about undermines the rule of law. "Mocks" is not ominous enough.
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Aviva032 |
17. RE: Here's what we wound up saying ...
Dec 16 2008, 10:31 AM EST
Maybe condense "tap the lines of anyone who talks to these two" into "tap the lines of anyone who talks to them".Or replace it with "tap all their contacts". Love "innocent words, misinterpreted." Maybe replace "the FISA Amendments Act mocks the rule of law" with "the FISA Amendments Act is an unconstitutional law." Or "the FISA Amendments Act: unconstitutional." 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Posted Anonymously |
18. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 16 2008, 10:43 AM EST
"Let's hear it!Beverlee Bruce here. For some reason I cannot sign on. In any case I approve of the changed congratulatory script and am of the opinion that those among our number will return, eventually, and in the meantime those of us who are still involved need to remain motivated to fight the good fight in persuading President-elect Obama to get FISA right. 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
fploof |
19. RE: Feedback on revised scripts for the inauguration ad?
Dec 16 2008, 11:24 AM EST
I like 'undermine' which is what Bush did!..Suggest: Undermines the rule-of-law and impinges upon our basic freedom of privacy 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
